During the time when I was running my mail order company out of Bangalore, Deepak was my favorite. Maybe a boss should not say that, but as I am not putting anybody into a disadvantage now, I do so: He was my favorite in the team. A bright guy, smart in his way to capture and apply new concepts, fresh from his MBA, hungry for challenges joined my team and handled initially supply chain management and later basically the whole office. I liked him from day one, although I was giving him sometimes not just a hard time, but outright shit. Especially, when I felt that he maintained below his possibilities due to let’s call it politely “cultural differences”, e.g. saying “Yes, Sir!” when he did not really get exactly what I had explained instead of asking, not speaking up in meetings when he knew better, or trying to comfort me with semi-true descriptions of something which did not work. But Deepak himself became my challenge as I never intended to impose my point of view on him, but tried to let him see things from another angle and encourage him to become his own man. Looking back, I saw this young fellow progressing speedily and regret two to three occasions where I guess I went a bit too rough on him.
For the many things about the intricacies of Indian culture, I have to thank Deepak deeply for the many, many good conversations we have had. Where he explained to me how kids grow up at school in full obedience with their teachers, what the concept of parents in India means, how topics around sexuality were a total no-no between kids and parents and how the latter would start looking for a bride/groom at a given point in time for the former.
And today was Deepak’s “W-Day”, W for Wedding. As his family comes from the beautiful state of Kerala in the South-West of India, the ceremony was held in the coastal city of Cochin. For me it was the first Indian wedding to attend I was curious to see how is goes here. Once I entered the hall, an uncle of Deepak spotted me, welcomed me with warmest hospitality and brought me straight into the groom’s room.
So far no bride around. “Will she come or is she absconding”, I said. Deepak assured me that his bride, Sreepriya, would come from another room when her time has come. The family was so friendly to me give a seat in the front row of the hall where I guess there must have been around 150 people as guests.
First came the procession of the bride’s family and moved to the stage, in front ladies and girls with lit oil lamps, then the relatives and at the very end something which was truly touching: Deepak, the groom in white, with his old grandmother holding hands also in white. They performed a few rituals and then Deepak sat on the ground. Waiting for his bride to arrive.
The procession of Sreepriya’s family moved in, pretty much in the same formation like her soon-to-be husband a few minutes before. Finally, she sat down to Deepak’s side.
Again a few rituals were performed where I feel just able to describe what I perceived without providing the underlying spiritual and religious background. The elder family members moved on stage, and as it was Deepak’s turn he bowed on front of them and touched their feet as a sign of respect and valuation. Same as it Sreepriya’s turn came. One of the highlights of the ceremony was obviously Deepak putting a chain of beads around the neck of his just married wife and the relatives on stage started to throw flowers at the couple.
Finally, the visitors were invited on stage to congratulate and hand over presents. So I don’t honestly know who was more moved: Deepak and Sreepriya for getting married or me for seeing “this young fellow” going through one of the most important moments in his life.
After the ceremony, a delicious Kerala meal was served as the tradition commands on a banana leaf with so many tasteful little dishes, like single virtuous instruments which eventually got orchestrated into a culinary symphony.
Timewise, the entire procedure took a little less than one hour. Yet, it meant the starting point for a lifelong relationship.
And Deepak, from today on, for every time you address me with “Sir” instead of “René” or whatsoever, you owe me a beer ;-)
Here on my Flickr-Account, by the way, you can find all the pictures from the day.
Feeds
Touching composition & beautiful pictures.
the Sanskrit ceremony is beautiful, if one watches carefully you’ll see that all the instructions are an attempt to make both parties comfortable in each others presence, by slowly touching/washing the brides feet/hands.
very erotic.
and then later in the evening a game takes place. A bowl with milky water and the brides bangles. Both bride and groom sit opposite each other and see who can catch the batch in one go, no pinching, biting allowed.
this is fun and can turn into a real power struggle, macho men, women giving up or vice versa (hence they say, one can tell if the marriage will last, based on this one game)
My mum and dad saw each other for the first time on their wedding day, their first touch on stage (what dad says) left such a strange warm/tingle he knew this was forever, they’re still so in love and happy.
this is really the enchanting part of India I miss.
Thank god, 3 cousins getting married this summer :-)
Hi René, you wrote so sweetly about the wedding. It touched my heart. You know I am an incurable romantic…ahhh;-)
The wedding looks so full of good vibes (from your picture) and it was so nice that the family had honoured you with such warm welcome and treatment, to invite you to the groom’s room and also the front seat. This is definitely one aspect of Asian culture which I adore. The generosity.
Yes, I know you a little bit and I can imagine how you were to Deepak (with good intentions of course) when you wanted to mold him into a European (German?) man. I am sure he took it well. Then again, he is Indian/Asian and they often are less aggressive…
The food on banana leave looks so scrumptious. I am hungry now.
Er..it 2240hr. Way past dinner time and I have already eaten 5 times today;-)
BTW, you look really grown up in that white shirt of yours Sir!:-)
I want to have a wedding like that… I mean the groom arriving to the wed in a white horse etc etc etc…but I dont want to marry an indian guy
lol
Hey all da Ladies in da house,
what is this? Nobody gives a damn when I attempt to make some sort of statement about the latest algorithms or online applications.
But as soon as put down a few lines on a wedding, I get a flood of affirmative comments.
Shall I propose to you? ;-)
René
Well René, you missed the “proposal” boat…err, at least twice already.
Next live, my darling,..next life when you will be reincarnated in a higher being…errr Mahatma Gandhi the 2nd?
P.s Yes, Girls love weddings. Don’t you simply get it? No need to impress us with the Algorithm stuff. Cut the crap and stop loading :-)))
Damn, it seems with me like Bill Clinton wrote in his biography about Arafat: “He never missed an opportunity to miss an opportunity …”
René
Ohh René bashing, I must join in.
In due fairness and what I’ve heard, he does PROPOSE
Its usually along the lines of “how much” and he manages to negotiate a good price as he’s supposedly in & out, and they love his Thai accent :-)
He’s learning though and has bought the bible “The Game” -
Penetrating the secret society of pickup artists.
Appears to be moving onto the breed of blonde, silicon breasts :-)))
Mahatma Gandhi no way, Hugh Hefner yes, or at least in his dreams …
Hey, what is this? I don’t have a clue what you are talking about. “Me chai” = “I am shy” :-)
R.
Its lei nie. Me veli veli chai…
Ja ja Hugh Hefner, The Game, the works! Here’s the wolf in sheep skin coming…:-)
Fantastic pics of the wedding. Just popped by your blog… very cool stuff here! :)
-jen
Hi Rene,
I have reported back to duty this week. Had a lot of pending issues to catch up with.
We had gone to Manali for honeymoon and trust me, I had not seen any place so beautiful before.
What do I say about your blog? Thank you.. would not do enough justice to the way you have so beautifully and systematically written about my wedding. I am quite sure that even I could not have do it better. Its so beautifully written and I am now boasting in front of my colleagues that my “Sir” had made it to my wedding.
Thank you once again for being there.
Regards
Deepak